Pesty red squirrels. No way you’re gonna get rid of them.

Got a call the other day. Guy was snorting. Darn red squirrels. They’ve taken over his bird feeders. Gorp down that expensive sunflower seed. Even scamper the fox and gray squirrels off.

Like us, he puts seed on his deck rail. Sometimes it is almost crowded with chickadees, nuthatches and canaries (goldfinches). Even his cat gets a kick out of watching them through the window.

Then, zap! A red squirrel whooshes in and the air buzzes with wings.

Said he lives in a residential area where shooting them with his 22 isn’t an option. (Legally they are rated as pests and can be shot year around; though a valid hunting license is required.)

Even if plinking them with a gun were viable, pointed out it is a no-win deal.

Some years ago (30 plus) had friends with 40 acres and an old rustic cabin on a, then, largely undeveloped lake. The place was rife with red squirrels.

I’d scoot down there after work, plop under a tree with a little Browning rimfire autoloader. Shot seventy, some, that winter. (Forget the exact tally.) By early spring seemed to have them wiped out.

Ha! When they opened the place Memorial Day weekend it was overrun, again. Even in the cabin. Couldn’t sleep. They were under the beds and, geez, zipping around in the potty. Wake up in the middle of the night and you might share the john with one.

Their, then, little girl came screaming out of the potty, tripping as she tried to pull up her undies, thinking a red squirrel was attacking her.

The owner got a different job and sold the place. And though I haven’t checked it out, bet the reds are still there.


One solution to keeping them out of the house is a good cat (from the Humane Society). Keep the cat indoors and odds are the squirrels will stay outdoors.

(Don’t let the cat out. It’ll get rid of a lot more birds than the reds do.)

And, shucks, the reality is red squirrels were here before us. And, even if costly and a nuisance, fascinating little critters.

Darn savvy, too.

Quietly slide the deck door open and Bitze and Dillin, Mary Lou’s little lap pals, zip out hooting if there are squirrels munching on the rail.

The fox and gray squirrels plunge off the rail or up the beech tree beside it.

The reds? Ho! They keep gnawing, having figured out dogs can’t climb off the deck floor to get at them.

(Oh, Bitze’s a pretty savvy little varmint, too. If there are fox or grays she dashes out watching them scoot away. If it’s a red, she’s learned to just turn around and ignore it.)

Bottom line? Sorry, but like taxes and mosquitoes, red squirrels are here to stay.

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